Psalm 32

Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven,
whose sin is covered.
Blessed is the man against whom the LORD counts no iniquity,
and in whose spirit there is no deceit.

For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.

I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity;
I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD,"
And you forgave the iniquity of my sin.

Therefore let everyone who is godly offer prayer to you at a time when you may be found;
surely in the rush of great waters, they shall not reach him.
You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble; you surround me with shouts of deliverance.

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my eye upon you.
Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding, which must be curbed with bit and bridle, or it will not stay near you.

Many are the sorrows of the wicked,
but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the LORD.
Be glad in the LORD, and rejoice, O righteous,
and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!

Be my advocate and my rebuke

God, you're all that I have. You're all that I want.
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Psalm 62

1 My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
2 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

3 How long will you assault a man?
Would all of you throw him down—
this leaning wall, this tottering fence?

4 They fully intend to topple him
from his lofty place;
they take delight in lies.
With their mouths they bless,
but in their hearts they curse.
Selah

5 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.

6 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

7 My salvation and my honor depend on God [a] ;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

8 Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
Selah

9 Lowborn men are but a breath,
the highborn are but a lie;
if weighed on a balance, they are nothing;
together they are only a breath.

10 Do not trust in extortion
or take pride in stolen goods;
though your riches increase,
do not set your heart on them.

11 One thing God has spoken,
two things have I heard:
that you, O God, are strong,

12 and that you, O Lord, are loving.
Surely you will reward each person
according to what he has done.

1 Timothy 3.9-10

They must hold the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience. And let them also be tested first; then let them ... if they prove themselves blameless.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.

I am fighting silently

"Mi'ma'amakim"

From deep depths I called to you to come to me
with your return the light in my eyes will come back
it's not finished,
I am not leaving the touch of your hands
that it may come and light up/wake upon
hearing the sound of your laugh.

From deep depths I called to you to come to me
the moonlight I will again light your way to me
they're spread out and melted again
the touch of your hands
I whisper, ask in your ears:
Who is it that calls to you tonight - listen
who sings loudly to you - to your window
who put his soul so you'd be happy
who will put his hand and build you your home
who will give his life, put it underneath you
who will be like dust living at your feet
who will love you of all your lovers
who will save you from all evil spirits
from the deep depths.

From deep depths I called to you to come to me
the moonlight I will again light your way to me
they're spread out and melted again
the touch of your hands
I whisper, ask in your ears:
Who is it that calls to you tonight

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Psalm 130

Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD;

O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.

If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins,
O Lord, who could stand?

But with you there is forgiveness;
therefore you are feared.

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.

My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.

O Israel, put your hope in the LORD,
for with the LORD is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.

He himself will redeem Israel
from all their sins.

Though the sorrow may last for a night

I will punish her for the days
she burned incense to the Baals;
she decked herself with rings and jewelry,
and went after her lovers,
but me she forgot,"
declares the LORD.

"Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her.

There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she will sing as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.

"In that day," declares the LORD,
"you will call me 'my husband';
you will no longer call me 'my master.
(Hosea 2.13-16)

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If you pay attention to these laws and are careful to follow them, then the LORD your God will keep his covenant of love with you, as he swore to your forefathers. He will love you and bless you and increase your numbers. He will bless the fruit of your womb, the crops of your land—your grain, new wine and oil—the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks in the land that he swore to your forefathers to give you. You will be blessed more than any other people; none of your men or women will be childless, nor any of your livestock without young. The LORD will keep you free from every disease. He will not inflict on you the horrible diseases you knew in Egypt, but he will inflict them on all who hate you. You must destroy all the peoples the LORD your God gives over to you. Do not look on them with pity and do not serve their gods, for that will be a snare to you.
(Deuteronomy 6.12-16)

His knowledge, my comfort

At the foot of the cross is a muddy puddle. Above it is a sign that
reads: "tears go here." Just in case we miss the spot, Christ himself
shed the first tears for us to mark the place.
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Take my heart I lay it down
At the feet of You who's crowned
And take my life I'm letting go
I lift it up to You who's trhoned

Take my fret take my fear
All I have I'm leaving here
Be all my hopes be all my dreams
Be all my delights be my ev'rything

And I will worship You lord only You Lord
And I will bow down before You only You Lord
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You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you. (From the Message version of the Beatitudes)

I am so afraid, but my God is so much bigger

I didn't know "Ahava" means love.

Then I proclaimed a fast there, at the river Ahava, that we might humble ourselves before our God, to seek from him a safe journey for ourselves, our children, and all our goods. For I was ashamed to ask the king for a band of soldiers and horsemen to protect us against the enemy on our way, since we had told the king, "The hand of our God is for good on all who seek him, and the power of his wrath is against all who forsake him." So we fasted and implored our God for this, and he listened to our entreaty.

Ezra 8.21-23

Isaiah 62

1 For Zion’s sake I will not keep silent,
and for Jerusalem’s sake I will not be quiet,
until her righteousness goes forth as brightness,
and her salvation as a burning torch.

Words are connected to action for God (i.e. creation). God acts by speaking. When God says He will not keep silent, it means He intends to act. It is a promise for me, that God intends to act on my behalf and on my church's behalf, on Israel's behalf and on this world's behalf. The object of God's action is my righteousness and salvation.

2 The nations shall see your righteousness,
and all the kings your glory,
and you shall be called by a new name
that the mouth of the LORD will give.

God acts through His word, and the results are seen by all the world. God not only speaks a new thing to be done to me externally, but a new destiny reflected by my new name... not a name given to me by earthly parents, but from the mouth of the LORD Himself. He loves me deeply and uniquely enough to choose it especially for me.

3You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the LORD,
and a royal diadem in the hand of your God.

I am beautiful and treasured, a crowning work to exponentially enhance the dignity of the LORD's handiwork.

4 You shall no more be termed Forsaken,
and your land shall no more be termed Desolate,
but you shall be called My Delight Is in Her,
and your land Married;
for the LORD delights in you,
and your land shall be married.

I will be desired and fruitful, no longer incomplete or kept in a state of unsated longing. I can't help but think of N and her desire for fulfillment in marriage when I read this.

5For as a young man marries a young woman,
so shall your sons marry you,
and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride,
so shall your God rejoice over you.

Israel's people will not only love her, but marry her and marry into her destiny. And the LORD will take pleasure in her as a husband delights in His wife. May the same be said of CCCNJ and her sons and daughters!

6 On your walls, O Jerusalem,
I have set watchmen;
all the day and all the night
they shall never be silent.
You who put the LORD in remembrance,
take no rest,

I need to be more relentless in intercession. I need to keep watch. LORD, open my eyes to see as a good watchman ought.

7 and give him no rest
until he establishes Jerusalem
and makes it a praise in the earth.

It is the LORD who does the work, and He will. This is fact. Jerusalem will be a praise in the earth, a testimony to His person. May the same be said of CCCNJ, and may we give God no rest until He accomplishes what He has said!

8 The LORD has sworn by his right hand
and by his mighty arm:
"I will not again give your grain
to be food for your enemies,
and foreigners shall not drink your wine
for which you have labored;

What is the grain for CCCNJ? What is the wine? LORD, what are you trying to say? What is it that we have labored for, and how has it been given to our enemies and oppressors? Is is peace? Fulfillment? Pride?

9 but those who garner it shall eat it
and praise the LORD,
and those who gather it shall drink it
in the courts of my sanctuary."

Whatever this is, we will enjoy it in the presence of God, not apart from it, because it is He who has accomplished it and brought about our safety and surety.

10 Go through, go through the gates;
prepare the way for the people;
build up, build up the highway;
clear it of stones;
lift up a signal over the peoples.

Light a flare and point the way to God's people. Remove the obstacles that stand between God and His presence.

11 Behold, the LORD has proclaimed
to the end of the earth:
Say to the daughter of Zion,
"Behold, your salvation comes;
behold, his reward is with him,
and his recompense before him."

Announce as a done deal the salvation of God. Justice and reward are coming! Announce not only to the people of God, but to the end of the earth. The LORD Himself proclaims it!

12 And they shall be called The Holy People,
The Redeemed of the LORD;
and you shall be called Sought Out,
A City Not Forsaken.

Holy people, sanctified and separated for service of God. Redeemed... a people bought from slavery with a price. Sought out, not seeking out for anything to hold on to. A City Not Forsaken, no longer desolate and unwanted or abandoned.

Battle Royale

On my knees
You lay the truth bare
Strip away the veil
Strip it naked
I want the truth.

Save me from my persecutors.
Deliver me from these evil ones who assail me.
Forgive me for opening the door.
I was so stupid.

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A thousand may fall at your side
Ten thousand at your right hand
But it will not come near you.

You will only observe with your eyes
And see the punishment of the wicked.

(Psalm 91.7-8)

Immaculately Desecrated

I know it--I've always known it--but seeing it always breaks my heart. I can't imagine what it does to Yours.

And it's a reminder of who I was. Who I am in many ways, but who I no longer want to be.

I can't look. Is there any hope for us? For our generation, or the next, or the next?

May there no longer be any hypocrisy among us.

"For I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives within me. And this life I live in the body I live by faith in the Son of God, who loves me and gave His life for me."
Galatians 2.20

Xangasurf

I found this on a random Xanga, and all I can say is, "Yes."

And I know I'm weak
I know I'm unworthy
To call upon Your name
But because of grace
Because of Your mercy
I stand here unashamed.

Here I am
At Your feet
In my brokenness complete.

"In repentance and rest is your salvation,
In quietness and trust is your strength."
[Isaiah 30.15]

Shema

I woke up one morning and found a 4" gash.

Tried to sterilize it with bourbon.

Tried to preoccupy it with distractions.

Tried to teach myself to live with it.

And now I'm just asking.

Because 75 years is at once a breath and a very long time, and it feels exactly the same, all around the world.

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שְׁמַ֖ע יִשְׂרָאֵ֑ל יְהוָ֥ה אֱלֹהֵ֖ינוּ יְהוָ֥ה ׀ אֶחָֽד׃

וְאָ֣הַבְתָּ֔ אֵ֖ת יְהוָ֣ה אֱלֹהֶ֑יךָ בְּכָל־לְבָבְךָ֥ וּבְכָל־נַפְשְׁךָ֖ וּבְכָל־מְאֹדֶֽךָ׃

An edifice to be scrubbed away

"Come now
Let us reason together,"

says the Lord.

"Though your sins were as
scarlet
They shall be
as white as snow."